our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by failing to attempt.
-- shakespeare

much as a want to post an entry the past weeks, can’t help but be constrained by the weariness and the busy-ness in my present employment.  my heart is overwhelmingly filled with so much happiness these days, it spills over, that i can’t let another day pass without writing about it. 

 

its about life. and dance.  i think they are alike.  at times fast and sometimes slow.  just like life, a dance has different moves and grooves, the music never stops.  miss a step and you'll get ridiculed at by someone either on the same dancefloor or by somebody who chose to just sit on the side and see how people screw their dance.  i've learned that most times you have to continue your life's dance even with broken bones.  and so i did. 

i had been missing, the past 12 years, four of my most important dance partners.  they're so special it brings pain that i could feel my heart being squeezed just thinking bout them.  thank God for cyberspace, God bless friendster (!)  i’ve recently reconnected with them.  now i can hear another music playing in the background, and this time my dance is one pain less... a broken bone was healed.

"but our sadness can be turned into joy.  this is not a joy that comes from a perpetual striving, but a joy that comes in the midst of our pain.  it's the joy of being loved in spite of our imperfections.  it's the joy that comes from forgiveness.  it's the joy that comes as a gift that we don't deserve.  it's the joy that comes as a surprise in spite of ourselves.  thus in the midst of our pain, we can celebrate.  in the midst of our broken world, we can still dance."  --  charles ringma
 

 

... just a bit busy but will try to make a real entry before this week ends.

--  i love cooking  (and eating, but of course!), and this is one of my most requested-by-friends-dish... they've asked for my secret and i'm publishing it as today's entry. enjoy!

PASTA CARBONARA

 

1 kg. fettuccine (or spaghetti)

400 grams bacon, cut into little strips

250 grams spiced ham, chopped in little pcs.

2 small cans Vienna sausage, chopped in little pcs.

1 pc. red bell pepper, finely chopped

garlic and onion, finely chopped

2 small cans of button mushrooms, chopped

3-4 tetra packs of all-purpose creams

250 grams quickmelt cheese, cut in small pcs.

½ tsp. of ground, dried basil leaves

water

1.  Cook the pasta as instructed.

2.  Fry the bacon until crisp and set aside.

3.  Sauté garlic and onion.  Add in the mushrooms, bell peppers, ham and sausages.

4.  Pour in the all-purpose cream and lower the heat, stirring occasionally to prevent the sauce from sticking in the bottom of the pan.  Add a little water and slowly add the cut cheese. Add more water if the cheese is not yet totally melted to prevent the sauce from drying up.  Salt to taste and remember to occasionally stir until cheese melts and sauce thickens.

5.  When sauce is ready, sprinkle the basil leaves and pour into the cooked pasta and mix well until ingredients are equally distributed. 

6.  Serve with grated cheddar or parmesan cheese and the fried bacon as toppings.

it’s been almost two weeks since my last web log and i have a good reason for it.  i have lately been trying to process certain emotions that have something to do with traveling.  a constant travel, life is, they say, and if it is a plane ride, then my just recently concluded time in a place called TESDA was just one of the many stopovers that i have to go through to reach my predestined place under the sun.  i’ve learned to love the people there for i have come to enjoy their presence in my life, that’s why leaving was a bit hard.  another travel to deal with was that of the leaving of a very important friend, lynne.  she left for the US to face a new phase of her journey , that of a new wife.  in both cases, i initially felt that a part of me was lost, until i’ve reached the realization that in actuality, these are good things to thank for.  six months of “work and play” in TESDA and nine years of friendship with lynne has added hue to my already multi-colored journey and i’ve acquired plenty of learnings along the way that could be of use in my future stopovers and layovers.  besides, the reasons for the parting of ways brought joys to people concerned in both instances, and to mope in sadness over their happiness is a crystal-clear selfishness and you don’t do that to your friends.

 

i remember another friend saying that goodbyes that are painful are actually good, for it means that something wonderful has happened in between the hello’s and the parting of ways.  those are called memories that we are to keep with us, in our hearts forever.             

adolescence.  one of life's stages, which could be the most difficult, where one is suppossed to be processed from a raw material that is "an irresponsible and dependent kid" to a finished product that is "a responsible and independent adult."  i remember it being discussed in my early days in high school, where i defined it as "a period in one's life when he is both too young and too old."  i couldn't understand back then why we have to talk about it but looking back now, i know that the teacher was just trying to help us go through that phase.  it is so important a phase in one's journey that even one who had a healthy childhood is not assured of a healthy adult life if the period in between is not healthy.

i say this from experience.  as far as i remember, my days as a child were quite good.  now as a grown-up, i can see some weaknesses and unhealthiness that i think are products of an unhealthy adolescence i had.  why was mine unhealthy?  the 'systems' have failed me.  i remember trying hard to be able to give what is expected of me, but my own expectations from the systems were not met.  not at the family nor at school, and not even at church.  i only had my friends and my music, but it was just a picture of a blind leading a blind.  yes, physical and outward changes were discussed in school and it had been helpful in some ways, but there was a greater need to have somebody older. someone who may not necessarily be perfect but definintely wiser enough to help process the emotional, moral, mental and most importantly, spiritual aspect of development in that time of awkwardness and, in lots of ways, confusion that has led to a lot of my frustrations.

it was miserable back then, but looking at it now, especially as i take this class, i see that God has in many ways allowed it. He is using it for me to be more effective and more passionate in being a part of a system that might somehow make the difference in helping today's generation cope with the difficulties of this stage and for them to be able to go through it in a healthy manner.

ALL I REALLY NEED TO KNOW about how to live and what to do and how to be I learned in kindergarten.  Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate-school mountain, but there in the sandpile at Sunday School.  These are the things I learned:

 

Share everything.

 

Play fair.

 

Don’t hit people.

 

Put things back where you found them.

 

Clean up your mess. 

 

Don’t take things that aren’t yours.

 

Say you’re sorry when you hurt somebody.

 

Wash your hands before you eat.

 

Flush.

 

Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.

 

Live a balanced life – learn some and think some

and draw and paint and sing and dance

and play and work every day some.

 

Take a nap every afternoon.

 

When you go out into the world, watch out

for traffic, hold hands, and stick together.

 

Be aware of wonder.

 

Everything you need to know is in there somewhere.  The Golden Rule and love and basic sanitation.  Ecology and politics and equality and sane living.

 

This is from a book by Robert Fulghum, a copy of which was gifted to me by a good friend.  “All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten” would turn out to become one of my faves…  Good for Mr. Fulghum, but wondered bout me… wasn’t in any kindergarten class except when I was tasked, as a big sis, to bring my younger siblings to theirs... but I do remember going to a neighborhood Sunday School ...

recently re-took a typing test known as the MBTI (Myerrs & Briggs Type Indicator) -- the only personality typing i believe to be the closest to being perfectly accurate.  several years passed and it still resulted to ESFJ (Extravert-Sensing-Feeling-Judging).  SJ’s are found to have a parental outlook in life and are oriented towards service and work, that’s why they are identified as “epimetheans” after a greek myth god, epimetheus.  am not a big fan of whichever myths, so i felt obligated to look up who this guy was.  found out he was one of the nephews of zeus, who, together with his brother prometheus, were committed to establishing and maintaining order in the world.  having written these, which is supposed to make an introduction of myself, allow me welcome you to my blog.  i expect my trying-hard-to-be-creative-self to write about places i’ve been to... which are not too many but mostly memorable; things i’ve done... nothing out of the ordinary but nevertheless are all significant; and most importantly, people i know and have known... all of them special.  i am also hoping to share on this journal previous writings that would somehow reveal my true and complex self.  and when the time comes when i’m ready to share all these, and you happen to find yourselves been written about, please know that this was done to make you feel good about yourselves in having positively contributed to this person’s life.